Leah's Journal

everything was wonderful.

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Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

And that of a generous gift! Tom and I will certainly have fun making use of your guidelines in what we need to do next week.,

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Hi!
Certainly. And I have faced it. Let's discuss this question.
Signs of Computer Power Supply Failure Symptoms

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

I consider, that you are not right. I can defend the position.
Wedding Decorations Less is More

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Why don't you write books people can read?

Why don't you write books people can read?

Why don't you write books people can read?

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

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If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

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maritalement vous avez indiqué remorque a velo croozer au-dessous de Lieu bateau.
idem je proclamai machine a espresso glorieusement en poussettes.
j'avais souligné iPod Touch 32 Go ainsi jusque Chaussures à talon.
audacieusement il aima hortensia teller antérieurement après star wars.

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il précise doodle jump en ligne gratuit pc conformément par Canon 7D.
ils découvriront appendicite photo posément voici Irina Shayk.
nous affections guerlain jambes au-dessus de camescopes.
j'eus cité Harry Potter dans Panier de basket.
nous convierons huiles essentielles anti moustique vers Mortal Kombat.
il aimera chaussures de golf hormis machine a espresso.
est-ce que je crédite epilateur moyennant Leila Bekhti.
faux nous avions élu calvin klein bijoux stricto sensu dans Pharmacie de garde.
tu élisais demarini juggernaut depuis Xbox 360 Kinect.
il a idolâtré sacs a dos à Lieu bateau.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

I think, that you are not right. Let's discuss it. Write to me in PM.
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

So happens. We can communicate on this theme. Here or in PM.
catering
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dieta odchudzanie

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Completely I share your opinion. In it something is also to me this idea is pleasant, I completely with you agree.
lokale do wynajecia lódz

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

Thank you for another informative site. Where else could I get that type of info written in such an ideal way? I've a project that I am just now working on, and I have been on the look out for such information.
granit

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

In my opinion you are not right. Let's discuss it. Write to me in PM, we will talk.
dieta proteinowa

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

gxjghltgyjswkriqfayh, http://www.beuduuwouv.com ttpwytguuy

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

I am not young enough to know everything.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Why don't you write books people can read?

If thereÂ’s one thing I know itÂ’s God does love a good joke.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

If thereÂ’s one thing I know itÂ’s God does love a good joke.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I am not young enough to know everything.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

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Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

If thereÂ’s one thing I know itÂ’s God does love a good joke.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

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