February 22, 2006

Updating on the Life

I figure that I’ll make an official update on my life considering I’m back into a rhythm on school/work. No longer in transition. There is much to tell.

Since being at the University, I can say one thing —- my life is different. It’s not that my location changed, it’s more the way I see things. I have a new outlook on life, and that is good, especially when I have always put too much pressure on myself. (It’s sad that I’m just realizing this.)

Trying to be “perfect” is doomed for failure because after all, no one can be perfect. And the thing is that, I know I have always been the most far from perfect. I’ll admit it. I’m clumsy, dense (sometimes), says stupid things out of place, etc, but I’ve still tried to achieve this sense of perfectionism. I do it in all aspects of my life. 1) Grades 2) Physique 3) Work. You name it. I’m just glad realize this before it takes over my happiness.

My friends have always told me they only want me to be happy, but I guess I have always put that aside because I had “much greater things” to accomplish. It’s very difficult to take yourself out of your life and perceive it as an outsider. It’s not until to hit rock bottom to figure this out. :)

I’ve learned to live in the present, not the future. Although it’s very important to plan ahead and prepare for what is to come, it’s not how life should be. There are so many uncertainties in life, like for me, not getting into pharmacy school, losing touch with all my friends, etc, but I could care less. I will be happy with whatever happens. I have great friends, great family, and I have it all going now. Well, at least it feels like that. Actually, now that I think of it, I really like the mystery. I like not knowing what is going to happen in my life. A bunch of people can’t handle this, but I love it! If you have no expectations for it, (like suceeding in your career, getting married, making a lot of money), you’re just setting yourself up for failure. Again, the perfectionist thing.

The place I live is absolutely gorgeous. A poor college student (me!) got lucky and landed a place of residence nestled inside a neighborhood of million dollar mansions and overhanging trees. To me, money doesn’t matter (as long as I’m financially stable), but sometimes it feels kind of cool to be “living it up.” I run there when I have the time (i.e. after work if it’s not dark), and although it’s definitely not the same as the 4.5 mile loop around A&M’s campus, it suffices.

Margaret and my mom (and should have been, sick Felicia and Catherine) had a house warming party for me at my apartment, which entailed me buying wine, cheese, and crackers in exchange for presents. :) How could I be so blessed to have the most supportive, fun family in the world?

I feel as though this exciting chapter of my life is going to the best. I feel like I have it all going on right now. I’m working hard at school, working hard at work, and I have lots of fun in my free time, no matter how limited that may be.

It really amazing how much you learn about life and yourself after altering events. To be a nerd, I would say that life has a pattern of a square wave (ew, electrical circuits), having ultimate happiness and tragic “rock bottoms.” I (as well as other people) have had their rock bottoms and happiness, but I just hope I stay here for a while.

So, yes, I don’t regret my decision. I just wish I wasn’t so stupid/dense to realize this 2.5 years ago.

Posted by Courtney at 10:48 PM | Comments (287)