Courtney’s Haven

Why Can’t I Go to Sleep?

And this my friends is the epitome of college—up at 2:58 a.m. in the morning, only having to be off campus at 8 a.m. I have the sense of me to go to bed, but I’m just not tired, so I say screw it. This’ll be a quick entry because I’m pretty sure I won’t have the time to update this week. (LOTS OF THINGS DUE) Who would care about my life, I’m not quite sure? It seems too routine for me most of the time, but when I have time that permits, (which is never) I like to break all barriers of any conception of normal. Instead of thinking outside of the box, I like to live outside the box. To make me happy you just have to be yourself around me. That’s all I ask. Nothing more. I think I feel this way because I have a strong disposition against superficiality, but I’m not going to dive into this subject because I have too much to say about it. And I’m sure that no one wants to hear it. So there

Also, there’s something “wrong” with me.

I think way damn too much, and it’s starting to bother me, for I don’t know how to make it stop. Like, I ALWAYS (infattic for emphasis) have ideas churning inside of me, but for me what’s weird is that it’s not like one of those normal “thinking too much” , such as over-analyzing situations. They’re just random ideas or more like culminations of ideas. Sometimes it could be what makes a leprachuan so lovable or how well a song lyric relates to a poetry passage that I could have previously read. They’re just thoughts that don’t make any sense to other people.

Is this just me or does everyone else experience this in the degree that I do? I guess I just get bored with most things, so I’m always thinking, trying to alleviate that. (I also find this hard to comprehend because I am at such a great university where scholars and intellects are ever present, but I still come back to the same place where I am initially—stuck thinking too damn much. ) I think that’s why I can’t read full novels. It’s not that I don’t have enough patience to read them. ( I have lots of that), but whenever I read something in a book, it makes me think of something else, which makes me want to do something else, which in turn, makes me stop reading. Maybe what it is is that I would rather be an user than an observer. I would rather write myself than read what people have to say. And what’s weird is that I NEVER used to be like (i.e. get bored with everything so easily), so I find it difficult not knowing how to cure it. How annoying.

That’s enough for tonight. It’s just so frustrating sometimes.

-Courtney Diane-

P.S. I am hungry. Feed me.