Courtney’s Haven

The Pinnacle and the Abyss

As I sit here this evening, I realize that this week has been full of a lot of ups and downs. Good and bad. I think this would go down as one of the most hellish weeks of this semester. I barely got to leave my work, and on Wednesday I had 3 labs + 2 classes + 2 exams. It wasn’t bad, but all I can say is that I was exhausted by the end of it. Oh well. School has just become something that I have accepted as an obligation AND that it will take over my life. But I don’t let it. I work hard and play hard. Sunday night-Thursday at around 5pm, I really don’t stop. This even includes limited amount of sleep, inadequate nutrition, etc…, but once Thursday comes around, I am pretty carefree. It’s quite a nice feeling when I have all this free time in the world. I mean, sometimes, I still do homework on the weekend because if I didn’t, I would be super behind,but I don’t make it an obligation. Usually I will try to wake up a little early (setting my alarm clock and everything) so that I could accomplish what I need do and still have time for the fun things in life. The fun things in life would be having fun with friends and socializing and being absolutely carefree. My personal nature is carefree, but sometimes, it’s not always revealed to people. I have noticed that I have become quite a independent person, even more so than ever in the past couple of months. I mean, granted I used to be very independent, maybe depending on people for little tasks, but now, I never depend on them. I think now that this is a huge personal flaw. I don’t like to rely on people, even for the little things, and as a result, I think I am afraid to let myself get this way. I also don’t like people to change what they want to do for me. I feel guilty if I do this, so sometimes I forfeit my own “happiness” for what the other person would want to do. I don’t know—it’s just hard being misunderstood sometimes because of the way I am. I don’t vocalize what I think because I don’t want to inconvience anyone in anyway possible. That’s just the way I am, and only now have I begun to realize how much this has set me back in life, generally.

Well that’s probably too much introspection for the evening. Have a wonderful day, my friends.